Running From Nothing

I have had a print-out from a blog post from one of my favorite authors, Mr. Neil Gaiman, at my desk at my various places of employment since the day after it was posted.  It was a New Year's wish, and it goes like this:

I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.

Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're Doing Something.

So that's my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.

Whatever it is you're scared of doing, Do it.

Make your mistakes, next year and forever.

God, I hope he doesn't mind that I've pilfered this.  Anwho, this blog post especially resonated with me because I had been spending the last I-don't-know-how-long living in fear of making mistakes, of doing the wrong thing.  And so I vowed to not live in fear, to take risks, to make "glorious mistakes...." And I did.  I applied for a job that I thought was out of my league and got it, not knowing if it was the right choice.  I bought a house, as a single woman with a child and only one income.  I ran races.  I made new friends.  I trusted people I should not have trusted.

And then.... this year, I became complacent.  I crawled back into my tidy little world, where the fear of making mistakes once again held me hostage.  I was comfortable, but at the same time sad and wondering what I was really doing with my life.  I didn't try new things.  I didn't push myself to do more, to try more.

And then.... last weekend.  The fear of making a mistake had paralyzed me into not doing something, something that I realized later could have been amazing and wonderful, but also had the possibility of ending poorly.  The details are not important right now; the important part is that this episode kicked me in the rear (after downing a pint of Ben and Jerry's Coffee Heath Bar Crunch ice cream) and I am going to thoughtfully and purposefully go out and Make Mistakes.  The first one being this:

Yes, I have paid the money and, therefore, I will be running a FULL marathon next year.  EEK!

I am keeping this blog as mostly a chronicle of the training and insanity of preparing for next year's Grandma's Marathon in lovely Duluth, MN.  I'll most likely include blogs on things I do that scare me, my efforts at Doing Something, of Making Mistakes.  Or whatever I feel like writing about at the time.

I am running from nothing.

I am running towards...