And it's over

I am still a jumble of emotions today, two days after mostly running Grandma's Marathon. I feel like I need to put something down now so I don't forget some details.

The day started out cool and foggy, just like last year. The temperature was ideal. The humidity, not so much. I could tell when the humidity went down in that I was able to breathe more freely, and my steps were lighter and without as much effort. It wasn't very often that this happened, unfortunately.

I got a ride to the starting point with friends instead of taking the bus. This was pretty nice because it was way more comfortable and a lot less stressful. Plus I was with friends, so that was pretty cool too. Here's a picture of us before we head out on our way to Two Harbors:

We're looking way too happy considering what comes next

The area at the starting line was, to me, surprisingly large. There were plenty of port-o-potties so I didn't have to wait too long to get in and out. For how much space there was at the beginning I was amazed at how cramped it felt. The music at the starting line... left much to be desired. It wasn't the kind of pump-you-up music that I remember from the half in the previous years.

And then there was the race itself. I started out way, WAY too fast - the first 5-6 miles were at sub-8:30 pace. It wasn't that hard, but the extra effort at the beginning, when I was supposed to build up to a faster pace, really sapped my strength later on. The humidity did a number on me, but it wasn't as emotionally draining as it was last year. Probably because my cheerleader Ben stayed with me through the half way point. Which really helped me keep going.

Starting at Mile 15 I walked through the aid stations, just to make sure I was hydrating well and to give my poor, old, achy body a rest. Once in town, it was easier to get through between the aid stations but it was by no means easy at all. My body hit a wall around Mile 22, where the pain was just so intense I had to will myself to continue on.

I think the highlight of the race was when I saw my wonderful husband and The Boy on Superior Street. I knew about where they were going to be standing, so I started scanning the sidewalk when I got close. I started to panic when I didn't see them and didn't see them. And then, there they were. I'm starting to tear up right now just thinking about it. I know I would have started crying then if I had any tears in me, but there wasn't any. I stopped and gave The Boy a hug, and I think I said something like "This hurts so bad!" with a catch in my voice (little did I know Aaron was recording me coming up to them - but I should have guessed he would). Aaron told me he was proud of me and that I could do it, so I continued on, stopping to walk for a little bit a half block later because I couldn't catch my breath because I wanted to cry so much.

The last 2-plus miles were a blur, and then I saw my boys at the corner to the final stretch, which was a surprise because I totally forgot they were going to do that. I got my finisher's medal, and my shirt, and a flower, which was really nice and made me almost cry again. I quick got my gear bag and went to meet my cheering squad and then to go home.

Yesterday, the pain was pretty intense. My whole body ached. The refreshed chafing on my left arm was so tender I didn't want to move that side of my body. I had two strange blisters, one on each foot, but those didn't bother me too much. Stairs continue to be especially hard, in that my left quad is very VERY angry with me. And my right hip.

And how am I feeling about how I did? I am so proud that I finished, that I pushed through when all I wanted to do was curl up and die. I finished a lot slower than I thought I would, but then again I didn't really comprehend before the physical toll running 26.2 miles puts on your body. Now I know, and I feel so happy with just finishing.

But will I do it again? Not for a very long time, if at all. I am no spring chicken, and the time commitment it takes to train for a marathon is so insane. But I rose up to the challenge that I set for myself, and I was successful, and NO ONE can take that away from me.

 The Boy with the medal. He is very proud of his mama.

Saturday's Run

On Saturday, I ran my first full marathon, 26.2 miles, in 4:12:48. And now I need another nap.

Anticipation

And, so, with less than a week to go, I am starting to feel the pressure. The need and desire to kick butt and take names on Saturday at what will be the biggest physical challenge I have ever attempted to undertake.

And I am so scared I feel like I'm going to vomit. And I still have this week to go through before the big day.

It is kinda hard to put into words why I am feeling so scared. I guess I can tell the story about last year and running the half marathon during Grandma's weekend.

Last year I also trained with the DRC marathon/half marathon training group. It was the first time I trained with anyone else - I had always done it alone with a bit of success. But with the group... my training was consistent. I was motivated to do more. I had the support of great people to push me along. I was getting stronger and faster. I won a 10k race, which was completely amazing.

And then there was race day. I felt the same fear and anxiousness last year as I do right now. I was in a worse place emotionally then, feeling like a complete failure and that I wouldn't be able to finish as fast as I wanted, or maybe even at all. I put on a happy face, though, and tried to will my way into a better frame of mind. It didn't work.

This depression from a race was, and is, just weird to me. Running has been my solitude, my mental and physical release, the thing that has helped me stay sane. But for some reason I am putting so much pressure on myself, that the very thing that I have come to love is causing me so much heartache and despair.

At the race I started out well, if not a little fast. It was really foggy and cool out, decent running weather (I don't do well in heat). I don't know how far I went before I started feeling like I couldn't catch my breath. Each step was a labor, oxygen not being able to get into my lungs and to my legs to move me forward. I started thinking about how it was true, that I was a failure and that there was no way I'd be able to achieve my goal. I started slowing down. I'm pretty sure I was close to tears at times. Some part of me compelled me to continue even though I didn't want to go on.

And then I finished. Slower than I had wanted. I felt defeated. I felt like a failure. I PR'd by over 12 minutes, but I felt like it was a sham. I was not tired. I felt like I did after a training run. I didn't leave it all out there.

And I was a mess for a while after that.

And now, this year, today, I'm starting to feel the way I did last year. Like a failure. Like I won't achieve my goals. Like I'm useless. And I don't know if I'll be able to snap out of it. Add to that a left quad that just won't get better and now a right ankle that is a bit achy....

Part of me wants it to be a week from now, so that it will be all over. Another part of me doesn't want today to end.

I am living in the anticipation of what will be.

Thursday's Run

Another easy, taper run. It was very windy and cool, with a rain starting towards the end. I went 4.12 miles in 37:41, for an average pace of 9:09.

Saturday's Run

The last Saturday training run is along the end of the race course, from the store to the finish line. It's helpful for people that are doing the race for the first time, to see where they need to go on that day. For me, it put a knot in my stomach thinking by the time I get to DRC that I will have gone almost 24 miles. 24 miles. With over 2 more to go. On Saturday I ran 3.84 miles in 32:26, for an average pace of 8:27.

It's confirmed - I am DEFINITELY crazy

It's ten weeks into the running group training program, and things are definitely getting more intense.  Granted, last year I was following the half marathon program and not the full marathon program, but even my running group friends admit this year is just MORE.

Today is one of those days where I am questioning the wisdom of signing up to do a full marathon.  My feet hurt.  My knees hurt.  I am just exhausted.  And tonight was only 60 minutes.

Will I be ready to do a 20 mile training run?

Will I be ready to actually do this thing?

Today's Run

As I said above, today's run was a total of 60 minutes - 25 minutes brisk, 10 minutes jogging, and finishing with 25 minutes brisk.  Even with slightly slick footing, and it getting pretty dark in the end, I ended up running a total of 6.54 miles, for an average pace of 9:10.  The brisk pace on the way out averaged about a 9:00 pace, and the brisk back averaged closer to 8:45.  So yay me!  But I still feel like I've lost my mind...

Outside my comfort zone

Today I shall write about two interconnected stories of Doing Something.  Specifically about Doing Something at my work.

Story #1:

Shortly after I started working at my current place of employment, I was approached by several people in my work area if I would be interested in chairing the District's Wellness Subcommittee.  The last chair had retired quite some time ago, and no one else wanted to take on the responsibility. 

I have normally not been the type to take on a leadership role voluntarily; it is too much of putting myself out there and that concept has scared (and still does to an extent) me.  After couple weeks of deliberation, I decided that volunteering to chair this committee would be Doing Something to become less of an introvert.  I know that when I am in a leadership position, I take control and do whatever is necessary.  It's the volunteering to take on that role that is a stretch for me.

And I am glad that I did.  I feel like I can do a lot of good, both for my employer and for the people I work with. I have been told by a lot of management that they are glad I took on this role and that it is apparent that I am a good leader.  I feel I am definitely Doing Something.

Story #2:

Flash forward to last week.  One of my co-workers brought to my attention that the Hermantown Chamber of Commerce was having a luncheon to discuss a proposed health and wellness center.  Perfect opportunity for the Chair of the Wellness Subcommittee to get out there and find out some of the initiatives that are going on in the community, and what possible role my work could play in this venture.  Again, Doing Something.

But when signing up for this thing I didn't really consider what exactly a Chamber of Commerce Luncheon entailed.  It is a bunch of high-powered business types that are there to network and advance their careers.  Big talkers.  Not engineering types that have a passion for wellness and are, in their nature, introverts.

When I got there, I signed in and walked into the meeting room.  All these people in power suits were already huddled in small groups, having conversations about who knows what.  I felt like I didn't belong.  I felt like I should crawl into a hole where no one would see me.  But I didn't.  I found a spot at a table, pulled out my work phone to check my email.  Probably looked pretty uncomfortable.  Luckily, some nice ladies came over to talk to me, and we had a nice conversation about why I was there, and what I was trying to do with the wellness program at my work.  It was alright.

But then the luncheon started.  And the person in charge said (direct quote) "It's been a while since we've done this, and I see some new faces in the crowd.  Why don't we go around and introduce ourselves?" I thought I was going to die.  And when it came to me, I stood up, and said my name and where I worked; I'm pretty sure my voice cracked a little.  I was mortified.

So, yeah... today's adventure in putting myself out there, of Doing Something that is out of my norm, was not a total success.  But at least I tried.  And I got a lot of good information too.

Today's Run

It was COLD today!  Definitely didn't get above 0F, not even close.  But I went to running group, and in the end it was alright.  Today's workout was a 5 minute warmup, followed by 15 minutes brisk running, 3 minutes jogging, 15 minutes brisk running, and a cool down (I did 3 minutes for a cool down since I was already a meat popsicle at this point).  One of the bad things about running in this extreme cold is that, per the owner's manual, I can't plug in my Garmin if the battery is under 40F, so I can't look to see if I really picked up the pace on the brisk parts when I write these posts the same night.  Maybe I'll do an update... Anyway, tonight I ran 4.54 miles in 41:00, for an average pace of 9:01.  I'm pretty sure my warmup, cool down and jogging were above 9:30, which means my brisk wasn't too shabby.  But I'll find out for sure when I download the data.

I think I almost had a heart attack

I was going to write about something else, but something more pressing occurred: I think I may have broken my Shiny.  My Garmin.  The splurge for my birthday that I am so excited about.  Yeah, that thing.

Tonight was really cold, like practically 0F cold, but I still decided to do the group run instead of hitting up the dreadmill.  It's easier to suffer when you're in a group.  Anyway, the owner's manual for the Garmin said to not use it below temperatures of -4F - it doesn't say if that's air temperature or wind chill temperature.  The windchill had to have been well below -20F.  I took the owner's manual to mean air temperature, and so I wore it.

Before the run it took a little longer than normal to connect to the satellites, but I chalked that up to it being cloudy.  It worked just fine once it connected, and I'm pretty confident in the distance it told me since I've done that route many times before.  So all was good.  And then I got home.

I wanted to pull the data from the Garmin right away so I wouldn't have a repeat of Saturday; I plugged it in, it made the noise saying it was connecting to the computer.  But when I tried to download the data, the computer said nothing was connected.  What?  I heard the noise!  Lo and behold, when I looked at the Garmin, the screen was blank. 

THE SCREEN WAS BLANK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The screen is never blank.  I looked at the owner's manual, and it said to not charge the battery when it's below 41F.  Uh oh.  It was definitely colder than 41F - it was outside for an extended period of time in the single digits.  When it is plugged into the computer it starts charging.  Then the manual said that if it freezes up to hold a button down until the screen goes blank, then press and hold the same button until it turns on again.  Tried that.  Multiple times.  Nothing.

So, now it is sitting, hopefully warming up and will be ready to use on Thursday.  Otherwise I need to go through the warranty thing and hopefully get a new one.

Sigh.

I need a hug.

Today's Run

I luckily saw, and remembered, tonight's distance before all hell broke loose.  Tonight was a 20 minute run, and I did 2.22 miles, for an average pace of 9:00.  If Thursday is this cold I may just give in and run on the dreadmill at the Y.  Maybe.

Warning: Contains gross content

I would like to preface this blog post with a fact: I have a sensitive digestive system.  Not like IBS or Crohn's disease or anything like that.  But if I eat something that doesn't agree with me, the results can be disastrous.

So on New Year's Eve, or actually very early on New Year's Day, after the BF and I were done at the wedding reception he was DJing, we were both very starving.  Options being limited as they were in St. Cloud, Barbado decided that he wanted some White Castle before heading over to the hotel.  I had never had White Castle, and he thoroughly enjoys eating it, so I figured what would be the harm?

First impression: Not visually appealing. At all. Kinda sad really.
Second impression: The flavor of the sliders, to put it bluntly, was just gross.  The fries were alright.
Third impression: A little bit of heartburn when I was done eating, but at least I wasn't hungry anymore.

The rest of the week was spent with a low level of nausea permeating my being.  I would go from being ok to feeling like I was going to lose my cookies in an instant.  I thought maybe I was getting sick.  And then today...

Today I went to the Y to do my long run on the dreadmill, since it was darn cold outside again.  About 40 minutes in my stomach made the most disgusting noise I have ever heard, so loud that I heard it over my music in my headphones.  I almost doubled over in pain, which is so not good when on something that has a moving belt.  I gave up the ghost of trying to get an hour in, and made my way as quickly as possible to the locker room.  Where I completely destroyed the toilet.  Two flushes didn't cut it, but it was pretty useless to try to continue flushing because it wouldn't have done anything.  But, man, did I feel so much better.

The moral of the story: I will never, EVER eat at White Castle again.  Three days of nausea and disgusting poop is not something I want to voluntarily do again.

Today's Run

Today I had a shortened long run on the dreadmill of 5.18 miles in 45:00 minutes, for an average pace of 8:41.  I am just grateful I didn't poop myself.

It wouldn't be called a "challenge" if it weren't difficult

On Thursday, my friend Roja and I decided to try out this group exercise class at the Y called "Core Challenge." I'm usually not a big group exercise kind of person, at least not historically, but this one sounded interesting.  And since I am trying to Do Something, going outside of my comfort zone and attending this class sounded like a good opportunity.  It didn't hurt that I had a partner in crime...

Holy cow, for a class that is listed as for Everyone/Advanced it was HARD!  I did not think I was that out of shape but there were times that I thought my muscles would give out and I'd collapse on the mat, looking like a fool and whimpering in pain.  But I made it through, and am only suffering a little bit today... I think before I try the class again I'm going to have to hit the weight machines in the wellness center a few times.  But when I wasn't dying from exertion it was pretty fun and, yes, challenging.

Today's Run

I decided to go for a run today, take it pretty easy, just to get my muscles moving and not so stiff.  For the most part it worked, except my right hamstring would not loosen up, which caused my right quad to start yelling at me.  By the end I was OK, so I'm just going to have to take it easy this afternoon.  Today I ran about 6.1 miles on the Lakewalk from the Y in about 56:45, for an average pace of 9:14.

Over the River and Through the Woods..... and Then On Your Head

Most people that know me know that I love running.  Those same people also know that I do not like running trails.  Actually, I think the more accurate word is that I'm afraid of running trails.  I give all kinds of excuses - I'm too clumsy, it's too unpredictable, there are too many bears.

So, as part of my effort to Do Something, I decided to throw caution to the wind and try trail running.  There's a weekly fall running series here in Duluth just for that, and tonight was the first run.  So I thought "I'm Brave!  I'm going to Do Something!  I'm going to go Trail Running!!!!"

Let me just preface this with the fact that I didn't really pay too much attention to the length of tonight's run.  Much to my chagrin when I got there I realized that the run was 10.5 km.  That's right, about 6.5 miles.  For someone that hasn't run a whole lot in the last 2 months, jumping from 3 mile runs to over 6 is a pretty big leap.  But I decided to do it anyway.  I was there already, why not?

The course was on cross country ski trails, and we had to run 3 times on this one loop.  The first time was alright.  The second time through I was a bit tired but still feeling strong.  UNTIL I got to the turning point.  A pesky root sprung up from the ground and grabbed me tight by the ankles.  I proceeded to go flying through the air and, having snowboarded in a previous life, I knew that I did not want to fall on my hands and risk breaking my wrists.  So I turned to my side and fell smack on my left shoulder, followed shortly by my head making quick and hard contact with the ground.  Glasses went flying and I screamed "SON OF A BITCH!" on the top of my lungs.  One of the people making sure the runners went on the correct course ran over to me and asked if I was alright, that I had landed straight on my head.  Two guys that were behind me were overly concerned with my well-being as well.  I was only concerned with whether my glasses were broken and if I had dislocated my shoulder (I did not).  I got up, started walking, and when I got to the turn to go back through the loop I said "Two" and starting running again.

I would like to say that pictures are worth a thousand words, but it's hard to get the scope of the destruction with my crappy little camera.  Here's my best shot:

I really don't have a double chin.  Ouch.

So, yeah, I don't know if I'll try trail running again.  It hurts to fall.  Damn trees.

Today's Run

Today I ran 6.5 miles in about 1:06:00 (I forgot to stop my watch when I got to the finish line - I was more concerned with finding a place to clean up the wounds so that I wouldn't get a flesh-eating bacteria).  This is a pace of about 10:09, which is respectable considering I spent a fair amount of time on the ground and then walked for a bit.  AND I wasn't the last person to finish.  Overall, a decent run.